Thursday, June 25, 2009

A Woman of Worth

Rav Volbe (Kuntras Hadracha LaChasanim) brings from the Rav Chaim Vital the following incredible chidush. He says that a person's Middos are measured "Ach V'RaK" meaning exclusively, by the way he deals with his wife.

Rav Volbe explains that if a person does chesed his whole life with many people, he lends money, visits the sick, comforts the bereaved, gladdens the hearts of Choson and Kallah, surely he will reap the rewards for his many good deeds at the end of his life.

However, says Rav Volbe, it is a clear fact that in Shamayim they check how you acted towards your wife. If you were kind and caring with her as well then you are indeed very fortunate. But if you were tough with her and ignored her needs, and in your home you were strict and became angry without mercy, and you didn't help and carry the burden, this will weigh your judgement for the bad. In this case when you get to Shamayim they will not remember even a single act of Chesed that you did with other people. (Holchei Nesivos)

Rabbi Chaim Vital, one of the great kabbalists, said, "A man's soul is judged in the next world according to how he treated his wife."

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said, "If a man spends his rage on his wife, shames her, or raises his hand to her, God forbid, the Almighty will demand recompense of him."

A man has no right to ever hit or abuse his wife (see Rabbeinu Yonah, Sha'arei Teshuva 3:77). In fact, millennia before any civilization or country in the Western world deemed raping one's wife a criminal act, Judaism did. Neither the Torah nor rabbinic literature permitted men to harm their wives emotionally or physically.

The Talmud says that God counts a woman's tears, and men are warned to make sure that they do not cause their wives pain (Baba Metzia 59).

A wife is the source of blessing for her husband; she is the vessel for the husband’s blessings and in her the blessings are found. To receive the special light a man must be married; to be complete and be one with his wife. Only in unity the light is revealed. When a wife is not in harmony with her husband, the next thing to go is his ability to receive the light, which adversely affects his health, wealth, and happiness.